Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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