LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
