I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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