we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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