yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
