so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What a dumb baby whore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
