Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
