So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
