The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
