if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
