I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize