When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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