??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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