Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
