My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
