Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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