Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
