my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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