Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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