so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
