Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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