You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
