hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
