Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
