Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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