Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize