dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
