I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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