i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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