So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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