She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
