C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
