the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
