My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
