Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
