If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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