That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
