you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
