It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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