I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
