Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
