Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
