How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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