i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
