Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
