I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
