Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
