weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
