My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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