She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
