You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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