you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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