So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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