I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
