I wish i was in the wii world.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
