dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
