Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize