I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
