Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
