One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
