Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
