I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
