Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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