Did you just see the Batmobile???
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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