You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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