Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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