i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
