my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Watching her eat just hurts me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
