She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize