i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
