it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
