I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Soap is not a condiment
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
